I am going to start writing the material for a class I think should be mandatory for anyone who wants to move to a city, ever, or even visit a city really. I could even give it a pretty name, like "City Life 101." If that were the case, this would be
Lesson #1: PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
Ok, so we all have to get places and it is far too expensive to drive your car anywhere in the city, but particularly to work. Which means that the vast majority of us will have to be on the train between 7-9am and again between 4 - 6pm. Well, this is called rush hour. Here are a few Do's and Don'ts so that I don't have to kill you:
1) There is no legitimate reason to have children on public transportation during rush hour. There just isn't. They will get squished, and possibly trampled. Not to mention that they will always walk too slow and get in everyone's way. Its just safer to keep them off until non-peak times.
An important corollary to this, that should never have to be told to anyone but apparently does, your stroller is not welcome on the train/bus/whatever during normal hours, but it is DEFINITELY not welcome during rush hour. Leave it at home. Same goes for your bike during rush hour, but these people tend to be more considerate (and realistic).
2) When entering the bus you enter from front and exit from the back. There is actually a logical reason for this: traffic flow. This way, people can get out, while people are getting on and then things can move much more quickly. What an amazing concept!
Once you have entered, walk ALL THE WAY to the back. Unless your stop is the very next one (and in which case, why are you on the bus?? No wonder Americans are fat!) you should be as far back as you can possibly get. Let EVERYONE get on...it's good karma.
3) When exiting a train station, walk on the left, stand on the right. SOOO simple. DO NOT block people who are later than you by being the asshole who stands on the left side of the escalator while everyone behind you taps their feet and considers shoving you into those pointy things at the top. Seriously, if you want to stand -- be on the right. NEVER EVER NO MATTER WHAT stand two across. This is the ultimate sin. If you have a kid, they go in front and you go on the right. ALL THE TIME.
4) Pregnant women and old people have priority for the seats. ALWAYS. Just get your fat, lazy ass up. Seriously. I'm looking at you men of Chicago... I am ALWAYS getting up for an older or pregnant woman when I see young men all around me too wrapped up in their blackberries and iPods to notice (or they are just jerks).
5) Which brings me to iPod/Blackberry/Cell Phone Use on public transportation. Its inevitable, and I know it. I would never be crazy enough to suggest that you not do it. Just do it respectfully. Your cell phone conversation should be held at the lowest possible decibel and be as short as possible. If your iPod is on, chances are NO ONE wants to hear your music. Keep it to a reasonable level -- I know the train is loud and people are screaming into their phones, but that doesn't mean that you have to be rude too. And finally, when climbing stairs, entering or exiting a train/bus or station please pay attention and not play with your personal electronic device.
6) Your luggage. Yes, we in Chicago are unusually blessed to have trains that go to both of our major airports. That is not free license to carry your entire wardrobe with you on the train. I know you are poor, and taxis cost way too much. But so does too much baggage! Just cut down the shit you are carrying and it'll all be OK. The maximum allowable luggage for a train: 1 rolling or duffel bag per person. And I am not talking about one of the GIANT HOUSE SIZED pieces of luggage we all see, but those reasonable, small to medium sized bags. If you have more than that, you were rich (stupid) enough to pay the baggage fees then you can afford to take a cab and save the rest of us.
I'm sure there is much, much more I could say on this topic, but its just the first lesson. So, I'll save some for later.
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1 comment:
Hey! You renamed your blog "karapedia" Do you think nobody would notice this? Trying to slip one by us? NO! We notice these things!
Now if this is THE karapedia, should not the entries be definitions of words. Or something like an encyclopedia? What are entries in an encyclopedia called anyways? Entries? Thingies?
Aside from the karapedia sneakby...
I agree completely with all your points. I must say though that number two is a big one with me. I just don't get it. Why do people stand at the front of the bus. People LOVE to do this on the 81 Lawrence bus. The back of the bus will be all empty, yet there are people standing at the front. What. Are you chatting with the bus driver? No? Then sit your candy-a55 down in the back of the bus, foo! And when you get your candy-a55 off the bus, go to the REAR. See that large a55-sticker above the windows. Can you read that? It says, Please exit to the rear of the bus. They don't put these stickers up there just for fun.
And then point three, is another biggie for me. In fact, a few years ago i was planning the "stand right, walk left, be nice" campaign. I was gonna make removable stickers and post them by escalators throughout chicago. I really think that most chicagoans are not aware of this rule. There needs to be signs. You know who does obey this rule? New Yorkians. Oh yes. That's cuz when someone stands on the left, someone beats them over the head with a stick.
I'd like to add an addendum to point four. The seats that are marked handicapped should never be used by a man who is not handicapped or senior citizenized. For real. Just don't sit there. Pretend those are not seats. Those seats are meant for other people. Namely not you.
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